Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford
Taking back a Cheating Spouse: 3 Things to Consider
Being cheated on is probably one of the most devastating things that can occur within the context of a relationship, short of the other person dying. Actually, infidelity can feel like death, for some it may be death, death of a relationship that is. Infidelity can feel like what you had with your partner has died. When infidelity occurs, the relationship often changes significantly. While it’s true that some people insist, a relationship can improve after cheating, it usually does not. That sense of freedom, of trust, of respect is gone for a while and may never to return.
Betrayal can signal ongoing concerns of future acts of infidelity, suspicious thinking, and lies. Too often, persons that have been cheated on harbor feelings of resentment, anger, sadness, hurt, and betrayal, making it difficult to move beyond the pain associated with infidelity. Partners that are betrayed will typically question how they missed the “signs” of an unfaithful partner, what they could have done to push their partner into the arms of another person, or what does the other person have (person partner cheated with) that they do not have. The betrayal of a partner can be a very difficult pill to swallow as pain extends beyond the act of infidelity to the lies associated with allowing the betrayal to occur.
Infidelity can shatter even the strongest relationship, leaving behind feelings of betrayal, guilt, and anger. For the one-quarter of married couples who have suffered this breach of loyalty, overcoming negative feelings associated with infidelity can be extremely difficult.
Top 3 Reasons a Person Should NOT Take Back a Cheating Spouse Include:
Cheated with a family member or close friend- I consider this a deal breaker because the cheating and betrayal now extends to someone you may have to have ongoing contact with, or has damaged another existing relationship. The effects of the betrayal is intensified if those that are cheated on feel they do not have anyone in their lives they can turn to for support or anyone they can trust.
Your partner disclosed intimate details about you to the person he/she cheated on you with- A lot of people can get beyond the act of infidelity, however, when a partner begins to disclose intimate details about you and the relationship it can be a deal breaker for a lot of couples, i.e., you struggle to get pregnant, history of abuse, personal insecurities, etc. Disclosing personal relationship with anyone outside of the relationship suggests another form of intimacy has been built.
A cheating partner that minimizes or often rationalizes his/her cheating- By deflecting or not owning up to cheating resentment can build in the other partner. By failing to acknowledge mistakes and the impact our cheating has had on our partner we give off the impression that we were justified in our behavior, infidelity is not a “big deal”, and if we are unhappy in the future we may just cheat again.
Many couples struggle with or can't get over the devastation of an affair -- but some can. As difficult as it can be to conceive, an affair can bring some couples closer together. However, for partners that are unable to forgive a cheating partner, it is best to end the relationship and move on rather than languishing in a relationship plagued with pain, resentment, and sadness.
#Infidelity #Betrayal #Cheating #Marriage #RomanticRelationships