Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford
Staying in a Bad Relationship: 10 Reasons People Stay
Most people start a relationship with many hopes and dreams, dreams of growing old together, and making a life together. Unfortunately, some relationships are unable withstand the test of time or weather the storms of relationship disputes, challenges, and adversity. Although, the relationship may cease to grow and build, some partners will remain in the relationship, often for the wrong reasons. People that stay in bad relationships often do so for the wrong reasons, i.e., difficulty leaving a relationship, fear of being alone, low self-esteem, co-dependency, etc. Leaving a bad relationship is often not as easy as it seems as it can be more complicated than simply walking out. it seems. Most people struggle with reconciling the perceived loss of time and personal investment made in the relationship with ending the relationship.
10 Reasons Why People Stay in a Bad Relationship:
Fear of being alone
Fear of starting over
Reliance or co-dependency
Fear of being a single parent or pregnant
Fear of change
Believing that abuse is normal
Feeling they do not deserve any better
12 Excuses People Say to Themselves to Stay in a Bad Relationship:
I’d rather be with him/her than be alone.
I will never find someone that will love me
I do not want to hurt his/her feelings
I love him/her
We already committed ourselves to each other
We have already had sex
We have a child or family together
We have been together for a long time
I will just stay with him/her until something better comes along
Things will get better
He/she will change
Most people will try to make the best of the situation they are in, by enduring the hardships if they are not too extreme, or even try to convince themselves of reasons not to leave their current relationship. Unfortunately, People who think this way are always living in the future or in the past rather than in the reality that exists now. They have “hope” that one day things will get better or go back to how things were and that all the pain will go away one day. Change cannot and will not occur before acknowledgement has been made, acceptance of current issues, and a healthy confrontation of the problem has been made.
If you're in a bad relationship, don't just think that working harder is the solution. If you keep having the same problems, arguments, hurt feelings, and resentments, and nothing gets resolved, end it. If you've been to couples counseling and you can't reach a place of understanding, move on. Realize you've made a mistake and you're not compatible. Don't go from therapist to therapist until you get someone to agree with you. By prolonging the inevitable, processing one’s feeling and attaining closure is not possible.
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