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  • Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford

Are You Really in Love or Are You in Love with Love?



I know we have all heard the phrase love can be a many splendid thing. Being in love can feel intoxicating to those that are in love or those that believe they are in love. For some people, the very idea of being in love can generate feelings of warmth and excitement. Unfortunately, some people do not make a distinction between finding the “one” or finding anyone to love, hoping the other person will love you back. Do you ever dream about falling in love, envisioning love will be the end to most if not all of your problems? Do you thinking by finding romantic love you would be happy and satisfied for the rest of your life?

Most people develop their ideas about love and romance by watching movies, reading romantic novels, listening to love songs, and even listening to generations old love stories passed down from one generation to the next. Families often like to tell grandchildren or great grandchildren how their grandparents met, i.e., how it was love at first sight, how they were each other’s soulmate, etc., much of the information received cannot be confirmed or denied as memory is subjective to the individual experience. I can’t say love at first sight is not possible as I believe all things are possible. However, I believe the likelihood of that occurring during this day and time are slim to none. In my opinion we live in a world that is now more hypersexualized, suspicious, self-serving, condescending, with little regard for the thoughts, feelings, and concerns of others.

To Help You Identify if You Found Love or Are in Love with Love Ask Yourself These Questions:

  • Do you feel incomplete if you are not in a relationship?

  • Have you stayed in a bad relationship or repeatedly returned to an ex-partner because you couldn't stand to be alone?

  • Is it difficult to be single for more than 6 months?

  • Do you find yourself wondering if you are with the right person yet remaining in the relationship?

  • Have you used the words "soul mate" in reference to how love should be?

  • Have you ever felt the need to do a partner “makeover” rather than accepting he or she may not be the one for you?

  • Do you expect your lover to make you feel loved and lovable?

  • Do you take time between relationships to process your feelings before moving onto someone new?

If you answered yes to most of these questions you are probably in love with the idea of being in love rather than actually being in love. Most people from the outside looking in can see irregularities or possible mismatches in a relationship. However, those involved in the relationship may find making a distinction between being in love and in love with love very difficult to separate. If you are questioning your feelings or the relationship you may need to evaluate your motives for staying in the relationship and your true feelings.

#datingrelationships #Love #compatibility #Feelings

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