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  • Writer's pictureDr. Tarra Bates-Duford

Relationships & Finances

We have all heard the theory that money is often not the answer to most familial and societal problems but the cause. I am sure we have all heard that money can be the root cause of most of the evil things that have gone on in families and the world as a whole. One thing is for certain, not having enough money to provide for basic needs and having too much money can both present very real and very unique challenges. When it comes to marriage and other long-term committed relationships money is often the cause of most arguments leading to divorce and the end of a relationship. Interestingly enough when it comes to money, men tend to take more risks and don't save for emergencies. It is not uncommon for a man to use money as a scorecard while struggling with self-esteem and other financial problems.

Unlike men, women tend to see money more as a security issue, storing it for emergencies or other unexpected events. Men and women typically view money from different perspectives, with different levels of importance, and different ways of viewing it’s impact on their individual and familial life. It is important to understand and acknowledge how perception of money can influence and sometimes guide the direction of a relationship.

Here Are a Few Tips to Help You Discuss Finances in A Relationship:

  • Make sure you do not discuss the subject of finances during a heated argument or there are other things going on that are unrelated to finances. In order to devote the most appropriate time to discussing finances it must be a time that is mutually agreed upon and convenient for both partners.

  • Before talking about finance make sure that you identify if finances are the real issues in your relationship. Too often, disagreements about money have very little to do with money itself and more to do with issues of control, security, self-esteem and love.

  • Try to discuss finances openly and honestly. Partners are encouraged to be willing to both listen and understand each other’s perspective regrading finances.

  • Once a relationship becomes committed, it is important to develop a plan for spending and saving, i.e., couples should create a plan surrounding what each partner agrees to put aside for the household expenses, future planning, emergencies, etc.

Discussing money and expenses is not easy for most people, however, it is a conversation that needs to occur to prevent future misunderstandings and problems. Partners are encouraged to be both patient and understanding of a partner’s perspective on money and finances. Committed partners that are unable or unwilling to discuss finances may be putting themselves in a position to endure a failed relationship. If a partner brings up the topic of finances several times and is confronted with defensiveness or anger this maybe indicative of a larger problem. One partner’s failure to discuss finances may be an indication of dishonesty in communication. Some people as a source of relief from marital problems while others view money as an indicator of self-worth.

#datingrelationships #Finances #Money #Communication

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