Dr. Tarra Bates-Duford
Feeling Stuck: 11 Helpful Tips to Feel Unstuck
Often when we are feeling stuck it is the result of our inability to see beyond the perceptions that currently create the framework of our lives. We all have experienced that “blah” feeling at some point or other in our lives. However, in most instances that “blah” or otherwise uncomfortable feeling does not last long. Unfortunately, for some the feeling does last for an extended period of time, creating what we have identified as a feeling of being “stuck”. A lot of people jump to the erroneous assumption the reasons for feeling stuck stem from one or more of the following; bad relationship, dead-end job, low income, dissatisfaction with personal image or attributes, feeling one’s friends have surpassed them vocationally, not entirely fulfilled with one’s life, etc. I mentioned the assumptions are usually erroneous because when it comes down to the exact reason for this feeling it usually involves the way in which a person is living at the present is not in alignment with who she or he really is. In hindsight, what we are doing is not paying tribute and honoring the very essence of who we really are. Trying to acquire what someone else has, be someone else is not only frustrating and exhausting but impossible. You cannot become someone else any more than they can become you, hence, what makes us all different and unique. The best way to confront these feelings of blah, not question them but confront them is to identify what aspects of your life you would like to change and how you would like to change them. The key here is to stop wallowing in what was, focus on what is, and act on what you want for your future.
From the moment we enter the world to the very last breath that escapes from our body our lives consist of images, people, actions, lessons, challenges, achievements, failures, and rebounds. We all know it is not the failures that define us and our purpose but the way we rise and perform after adversity and challenges. Too often we become fixated on our perceived failures in life rather than successes and achievements made, that we are not be able to self-identify times of success. Once we reach the point of failure to identify past strengths then we have reached a tricky crossroads, i.e., do we accept our lives with all of its unpleasantness and frustration or do we push beyond our level of comfort towards something greater than ourselves. Making this choice is never easy, as human we gravitate towards the familiar and make every attempt to avoid the unknown. There is a logical reason for this, as we know what to expect and how we will deal with something we have experienced before even if we don’t like it. However, we have no frame of reference for the unknown, i.e., how it will affect us, how we will deal with it, etc.
Here Are Few Helpful Tips to Manage Feelings of Being Stuck:
Identify specifically what is upsetting you or unfulfilling about your life.
Make a decision about whether or not you can live with your life the way it is or if changes are necessary.
Identify if you are physically, emotionally, and psychologically up to making the necessary life changes.
Develop a plan for achieving your goals. Make sure your plans are not abstract but concrete.
Take a look from the outside in. Are the people around you promoting, encouraging, stagnating, or preventing your mobility?
Determine if you are engaged in one-sided relationships. Are you attentive to the needs and concerns of your family & friends but are unable to get the same in return?
Take a look at the manner in which you have addressed previous challenges, was it effective? If not, what can have been done differently in the future.
Identify what is holding you back or preventing you from living your best life, the most purposeful life for you.
What are your fears surrounding change? What is the merit in these fears?
Do I have the confidence to pull this off or will I need to start this process by building my self-esteem.
Do I fear rejection? If so, what about the rejection scares me?
Being still in world that is often chaotic and conflict ridden can help both identify your meaning and purpose in the world but also help negotiate feelings of fear and anxiety. For added support tap into your religious faith and spirituality as you understand it, as a way of tempering the ever changing and rough waters of life.
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