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  • Writer's pictureDr. Tarra Bates-Duford

He Said/She Said

He Said/She Said

I was introduced to Britany when she requested advice about getting her “soulmate” back. Britany insisted Brian was the perfect man for her, sweet, compassionate, giving. attractive and funny. Recently, Brian had begun refusing Britany’s phone calls, text messages, and emails. According to Britany, the reason for his withdrawal from the relationship was unknown, as things were “going extremely well” before he began avoiding her. She insisted she was not only emotionally and physically connected with Brian but they were connected spiritually as well. Often, when Britany discussed her relationship with Brian she presented with pressured speech and flight of ideas, jumping from topic to topic. Britany begged for assistance with “winning” Brian back, she wanted help with making him realize he would be making a big mistake if he chose to end the relationship. Britany was requesting relationship counseling to repair her relationship with Brian. She viewed Brian’s attempt to exit the relationship as one of his ploys to gain more attention from her, as he had done this at least four other times during the course of their relationship. Britany believed Brian was trying to get her to prove her love for him, therefore she must pursue him harder and more aggressively. Britany did not believe Brian could give up their wild sex life.

Unfortunately, Brian didn’t feel the same way as Britany, he wanted out. Brian didn’t view the relationship in the same way as Britany, he felt the relationship was stifling, anxiety evoking, and chaotic. According to Brian, Britany often appeared as if she were “on speed”, with rapid speech, bizarre and aggressive behavior, fantastical thinking, and “detachment” from reality. Brian insisted his relationship with Britany was “unhealthy”, he felt bullied into staying in the relationship. He no longer saw a future with Britany and did not want her around his daughter. The only thing he felt he had in common with Britany was the wild sex, because according to Brian “crazy chicks are usually awesome in bed”. Both Brian and Britany were divorced single parents trying to find love when they met. Prior to his withdrawal from the relationship with Britany he insists he had made several previous attempts during their year-long relationship. Brian insisted Britany had been stalking his family, friends, and former girlfriends on Facebook, warning them to stay away from him. Brian spoke about receiving “at least between 50-60 text messages from Britany a day”, not including telephone calls. Brian stated some of the voice messages from Britany consisted of confusion and uncertainty, frustration, sadness, or were angry and threatening. In one message according to Brian, Britany had threatened to take her own life by drinking gasoline. As a result of her escalating and threatening behavior Brian sought a protective order to keep Britany away from him, his home, daughter, and work place.

After learning of the protective order barring her from making contact with Brian and his daughter, Britany struggled with accepting his choice to move on without her. The next several weeks was extremely hard on Britany. Although, she did not sever all contact with Brian, her calls, emails, and text messages became less frequent. Confident Britany had stopped her stalking behavior towards Brian and accepted their relationship had ended, she was encouraged to focus on her happiness and that of her children. Several weeks had gone by before I received a call from a caller relaying the following message “I told you our sex was explosive! I got him, at which point the call goes dead.

The cycle in this relationship therefore continues and is reinforced.

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