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  • Writer's pictureDr. Tarra Bates-Duford

An Officer But No Gentleman

Claire is a sexy, brilliant young woman, with the opportunity to have a wonderful life ahead of her. However, there is just one problem, Claire has been unlucky in love. Claire has been married and divorced, which has caused her to be suspicious of men and question her own choices. After much encouragement from friends and family (both pushy) Claire decided to change up the way she met men, she decided to give online dating a try. According to Claire, Gene appeared to have it all, a good job, he was tall, dark, handsome, and her personal favorite very muscular. Claire and Gene connected immediately online, quickly exchanging numbers, talking and texting over the phone. After about a week of conversations and text exchanges they decided to meet for dinner. Claire was so excited, she hadn't been on a date in a few years, she felt clumsy and out of practice. After styling and restyling her hair which seemed like the 100th time she received a text message from Gene asking to meet at a restaurant that was evenly located between their respective homes. Being apprehensive about driving to a location to meet a man she had never met before, Claire insisted that Gene pick her up at her home. After multiple texts indicating he would be "a little late", Gene arrived for their date almost an hour and a half past schedule. However, they decided to have a late dinner and enjoy the rest of their evening.

Claire being anxious and feeling out of place later acknowledged she had missed several red flags during her "courtship" with Gene. Gene did not want to pick her up at her home, stated during their initial conversation that his name was John (which she learned was really Gene when she received an email he mistakenly sent via his job email), he was unable to have verbal conversations in the evening, and was often MIA. Claire attributed her suspicions to being out of practice and out of touch with dating. Gene, however did not appear to be doubtful or suspicious of Claire, in fact he appeared to have no questions, demands, etc. One night after one of their dates Claire and Gene sat in his car and seemingly talked for 2hrs (without Gene being invited into Claire's home). Claire thinking their evening was the start of something beautiful began to develop deeper feelings for Gene. Gene on his end did not share Claire's sentiments, he asked her out again but was never seen or heard from again. Claire did catch a glimpse of Gene's member being circulated around to all the single (desperate) women in their small town after several weeks.

Has this ever happened to any of you? How did you deal with it?

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